Just fell off a train. Bad.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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