Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
