Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
