I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
