I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
