officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
