what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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