hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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