You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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