Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
