There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
