so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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