she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
