his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
