i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
