You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
