Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
