My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I want to be your penis for a week.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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