rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
