forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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