i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
