I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
