Do you still have your period?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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