Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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