my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
