he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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