I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
