I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
