it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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