That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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