is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
