Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
