Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
