My liver just broke up with me...
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
