3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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