An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
