wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
