I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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