Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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