i think my tv is drunk
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
