I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
