Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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