i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
