so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
