Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
