Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i think i just lost a toe
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
