I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
