i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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