the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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