Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
