he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
