Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
His nipple licking is glorious
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