dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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