and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
