As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Your cock deserves a montage
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
