just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
