Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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